i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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