I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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