am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
