don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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