You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
