he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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