Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
