I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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