oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize