1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
it's like iHOP with fire
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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