Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
