why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
