Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
