dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
