You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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