dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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