I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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