opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize