Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
