The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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