you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
