I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
