From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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