All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
