Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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