he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He shit in the fireplace
where are my pants?
in the oven.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
