I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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