I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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