Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize