I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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