Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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