we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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