just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
