i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
