I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
