I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize