You really coming over, don't trick.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
