College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
