I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
