And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
