You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
