i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
