Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
