You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
