arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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