quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
