paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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