how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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