So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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