That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
