Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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