In America we eat man semen.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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