it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
