i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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