At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
