Can i not drive my cunt home
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
