every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
