Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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