i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
