Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
