First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
