Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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