I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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