yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
