I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
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