A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
