hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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