He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
