And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
