His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
