I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
from now on my penis is your penis
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
