did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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